The Pathlogical Liar [entries|friends|calendar] fish cakes Flummery Flaherty is a member of Quiddity of the Forking Spoons, Donians (Decembrists of Noah), and likes to be laidback. He attends University of Austerite, a sophomore, and lives at Bottles. This is not his journal. stock.xchng sound pretentious! but posh. quills and spills mochi*mochi wiki-wiki silence, where thought dissipates and only feeling lingers breathing, light invisible touch, of heat burning, cooling bright eyes, glimmer in the dark, glassy and ash-colored beneath, falling lids heavy and warm of firm embrace expand, dark and quiet filled with golden-light water burst and, blooming like pain, like struggle, but -- restless, not. This layout was created for the sixth round of the Last Layout Standing contest by volonte. Available at [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Before I nip into bed [Mar 23rd] [ mood | creative ] I'm going to learn how to write with my left hand. I'm dominantly right-handed, but I figure I could improve on my left hand too. I mean, I doubt I'll be drawing like I do with my right hand but I like challenges. Such is a bored mind, eh? Ergh, I'll have to re-learn how to read/write in Korean. Ergh. I'd rather be learning German and whatnot, but oh well. Speaking of German, projects! I'll work on it the weekend. I dunno about the extra credit assignment for English, but I'll just have to binge read again. I can't write my B's or R's very well. ^^; Cor, it feels queer... 2 Towcester

Drei, zwei, eins, null! [Mar 15th] [ mood | bouncy ] I've always struggled with weight. Thankfully I have 1 1/2 hours of physical activity three times a week. The thing is that I want to exercise more at home as well. The main obstacle will be my diet. GOAL BY SATURDAY: [+] Do 300 crunches in one sitting (My best was 250...) [+] Do 50 push-ups [+] 25 curved push-ups (I don't know the actual term for this, so the best way I can explain it is that it is like a push-up only it works your stomach and back so much more) [+] Kumdo practice, 30 min. every day (10 minutes of basic swing practice, 20 testing endurance levels) * * In kumdo, we had to do about 350 swings without stopping while our feet jumped back and forth. Not only was I proud to do that without stopping at all, but I felt like I was about to collapse on the floor. It felt wonderful! [+] 20 min. weight practice ~* ( Here's why... ) ( RULES ) Towcester

Ergh [Mar 11th] [ mood | amused ] *watches America's Next Top Model* Gina, you made a complete arse of yourself. Thank you for pretending to represent our race NOT. *headdesk* This whole AZN PRIDE!12OEN is driving me crazy. Pride is great and all, but not when you're making a fool of yourself as you're doing it On another note, apparently since I'm Asian, it's okay I like anime yet non-Asians who like losers? Wtf? Towcester

Geeky Things [Mar 5th] [ mood | excited ] You Are 70% Boyish and 30% Girlish You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be. How Boyish or Girlish Are You? Haha, considering I'm a girl... I don't feel offended. I can relate to both girls and guys, but I guess I have a better understanding of guys than most girls. Which is why I tolerate them so well (unless they're poking me, then I'm ready to stab them with a pencil). ( Shounen and Shoujo ) Towcester

If I could be a thousand people, I would in a second [Mar 5th] [ mood | blah ] It's silly, but around people in real life, I never try to complain about things such as my body or how I look except to my sister. But even then, I keep it to a bare minimum. Regardless, I'm pretty confident anyone I know in real life doesn't know/doesn't read this LJ so I'll go ahead and get this topic out of my system. My mother's known for being very judgmental and obnoxious in our family. She makes daily comments about me and my sister's appearences, such as how our bottoms seem to get bigger or how we'll never grow up properly. It's made me irritable but not enough to make me grit my teeth and act like a three-year old. I don't have the best relationship with my mother, but thankfully it's not the worst. However, it's little jabs at my insecurity that pile up and eventually lead to fantastic explosions of hissy fits. Most of how I think or feel is kept inside me, so my parents have a hard time understand why I act like I do. I have a hard time explaining it to them. It's just, every day. I get compared, height-wise (thank you, mother, for giving me height-insecurity!) and personality-wise (if I never had to hear "why can't you be more like..." again, I'd die happy). And I'm also compared, sometimes even by my father, to young girls who are skinny and pretty. It's just frustrating because they keep shoveling food at me the same time! Then they get pissed at me cos I don't eat all of it (I can't without clutching my stomach and wanting to die). Then afterwards, my mother proceeds to make another comment about our weight. Wtfuckery? The reason I'm writing all this out is because I was a bulimic for a short period. Of course, I stopped and I still wonder how I managed to go through that sort hell. But lately, I've been feeling the urge to just do it again every once and a while, but I haven't. I hate it, I hate being fat. I admit it. But I never make it look like I have this insecurity to people who know me, except perhaps one person. I never want to admit it because I sound like a whiny teenage girl and it's just something people are probably sick of hearing from other girls. If you're a good observer, you might realize I'm insecure about my height and my grades, but holy hell, there's a lot most people don't know about my vulnerability. Most people I knew told me they were jealous because they thought I never cared what others thought of me and I just seemed so confident. I wish I could say the same. You see, I'm a perfectionist. I want the perfect grades, the perfect personality, the perfect body. I want a perfect soul, and I want to get as close to perfection as I can. But I've forsaken the personality bit, so now I'm just weird. But I do want to a better person. So here ends this bitch-whine rant. I'm off to watch more Samurai Champloo! =) 1 Towcester

If we all lived in apathy, why should I care? [Feb 15th] [ mood | sick ] They say hatred fuels hatred... Towcester

Important [Feb 12th] [ mood | sick ] A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all. instead of that bullshit, how about: if a woman is drunk, don't rape her. if a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her. if a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her. if a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her. if a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her. if a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her. if a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her. if a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her. if a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her. if a woman is in a coma, don't rape her. if a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her. if a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her. if a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her. if your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her. if your step-daughter is watching tv, don't rape her. if you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her. if your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend. if your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police. if your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist. tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone. don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape. don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x. don't imply that it's in any way her fault. don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl. don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself. If you agree, repost it. It's that important. Towcester

I guess I should've heard them from you [Feb 9th] [ mood | anxious ] My father asked me what I'd like for Valentine's Day cos he always buys me stuff on V-Day. <3 Anyway, I asked him for a wacom tablet. There was a pause because he had no idea what it was. I showed him online the price and the brand I wanted. It's pretty expensive so I tried showing him the price of the refurbrished one. He said he'd think about it. X.X 75% of a No, 25% of a Yes. Dammit. ~* Lapio, you were a Brooding Artist Laughing in homeroom, crying in third period, brooding at lunchtime. It's nothing serious — just part of the act for a brooding artist like yourself. Whether it's acting, painting, writing, or interpretive dance, your channels of expression might have made you a little "different" in high school. But today it's these differences that separate your talent from all those wannabe "creatives" out there. Lots of high schoolers felt sorry for the kid who sat alone in the corner — when they weren't picking on them, that is. Little did they know it was the best seat in the house for observing the absurdity of high school. The same insight that you had back then just might help make you famous some day (if it hasn't already). So revel in your high school roots and be careful when you're cleaning out the garage. With your talents, those old notebook doodles might end up being worth a fortune. Who were you in High School? Snorfle about the artist part... but everything else is dead on. Towcester

Does he make you cry? [Feb 6th] [ mood | disappointed ] People always ask what you're good at, right? Well, I've never had a proper answer. Besides sleeping for long, long periods I don't have anything exceptional. I'm just. Y'know. Me. I dunno why it bothers me to be not exceptional about anything... just that it does. I'm a perfectionist, so you can imagine my frustration. I'd like to be good at something. People tell me that I'm good at this and that but I'm not. If I was, I think I'd know. My mother's right. I have no talent in anything. I'm not going to quit doing the things I love. I love drawing, I love seeing these images float in my mind as I go to sleep, I like the world I've built around me. But sometimes I see others and I can't help but feel that I might be the most selfish person in the world. What do I have to offer? What can I give back to the world? Then I realize maybe I don't have talent to spare, so just myself will have to do. But is that good enough? School was closed today. Hurrah! I'm hoping school's closed tomorrow too because it's wicked icy out there and I'd rather not break any bones. Merk! I probably need to buy some manila files to tuck in loose papers from my notebook. It's awful that I mix up all my notes. I should just use the tabs I bought a distant summer back. I hate studying for math. You just know it or you don't. x.x Psyching myself out already... Towcester

Show me who you are [Feb 6th] [ mood | frustrated ] I've already got a good idea what my main characters look like. Except one-third. Hans, Pavlo, and Fearghal are just hard to put on paper for some reason. Patricia, Terry, Rode, Nano, and Emi are all pretty distinct looking. I already have some of the secondary characters drawn too. But I'm struggling with Hans. I don't want him to look like Terry obviously (he kinda looked like my earlier drafts of Terry), and I want him to look distinct, dammit. Pavlo and Fearghal are a bit easier. Pavlo has darker skin, Fearghal wears glasses. Pavlo's thin and lanky like Nano. Those two are around the same height and are taller than Hans. The good thing is that I've got the beginning planned out. Unfortunately, I'm stuck on these characters. They aren't looking like what they should be but maybe the reason I'm having so much trouble with Hans is that just last night I had a relevation about him. Meh. *headdesk* Ah well. Maybe if I keep drawing minor characters I'll get more inspiration. Towcester

She's addicted to nicotine patches [Feb 5th] [ mood | lazy ] If I have no confidence and I have a right to have no confidence, I absolutely suck. I'm referring to my German speaking skills. Reading and writing are hard, but not too hard. Yet when it comes to actually speaking, my brain freezes. Grah. I really love this fanart icon of Ed and I don't know why. ^^; Yikes. I have so much doujinshi of FMA. I can't be bothered to sort through all of them though. Meep. I want to study. I really do. It's just internet gets distracting. 2 Towcester

Forget what you can't play [Feb 4th] [ mood | frustrated ] It's horrible when you realize how badly you suck at human anatomy. Poses kill me. At least, the full body ones do. Ergh. It's porportions and I never want to hear that word again because that's all we've been doing in class as well. Why can't school offer art classes that aren't just general art? At least I've improved somewhat when it comes to facial expressions and the head in different perspectives. Meh. I probably need to buy some books on drawing and such. I'll probably do that when I go to buy foam swords for our medieval fair. I'd angst about my overall lack of talent but I'd rather read. ^^ Towcester

Last week I had the strangest dream, where everything was exactly how it seemed [Feb 3rd] [ mood | peaceful ] I love falling asleep in cars, trains, airplanes... It's always tempting, even if I'm not tired -- much to the dismay of my parents. For some reason, I'm shameless when it comes to sleeping in public. Then again, I don't mind speaking in front of people (as long as it's in English, that is) so I guess it's just my mentality. ^^; Ergh. I hate the way we sit in kumdo. I'll never get used to it and it's a hundred times worse when your legs are extremely sore. I'm a very open person, which might sound odd to a lot of people because of my loner-ish qualities. There's not a lot about me you don't know, and if you don't, it's just because I don't feel you need to know. But a lot of people don't know me at all because I like lurking and it's what I do best. So I giggle when people tell me I'm "secretive" or "mysterious". If I were to compare myself to anyone in the FMA series, I'd pick... Havoc. I'm pretty laidback but I freak out over the small things. I always have pencils or sucker sticks hanging from the edge of my mouth out of habit cos I don't have any hands to spare. I have a tendency to look lazy but I get the respect I need. ^^; Like Havoc, I'm pretty good at what I do, but I wouldn't be known for it like Hawkeye. I'm pretty cynical as well, though I never let it completely get to me. It seeps in my sense of humor but like Havoc, you won't see me crying "emo" tears. Of course, I am an avid nonsmoker and my woes come from grades, not rejection from women. But still. Close. Towcester

A head to a wall [Feb 2nd] [ mood | annoyed ] Linksys has a vendetta against me. First it kicked me offline for a while, despite whistling that my internet connection was perfectly fine and connected. Grr. I'm definitely returning and getting a different brand. Fuckers. Towcester

It's only comfort calling late [Jan 31st] [ mood | amused ] *sigh* My biggest sin is sloth. I admit, reading and snacking all day is much more preferable than me doing something productive sometimes. My room looked like a tornado went through it and then a train wreck. Without the fire. I managed to clean it a day before New Years (the Chinese one) and it took me at least four hours to clean it all (meaning shoving lots of things in trash bags and under my bed). Mm. I love long coats. I love how they stop several inches from your feet and the way they feel during cold winter days. I like dressing and pretending I'm in the 20th century. Something about the simple design of their clothing. *sigh* I'd love to buy loads of vests (in earth tones, duh), Oxford shirts, trousers, and those awesome hats. I wouldn't mind wearing them every day. Though it's really more of a guy's attire. >>; In the shape of things to come. Towcester

My dreams take me home [Jan 29th] [ mood | ergh ] I like to avoid confrontations a lot. I admit, I'm the sort that is constantly lurking or falling off the face of the earth. You could say I'm self-absorbed even. But, it's funny. How I notice little things like the metallic taste of the hot soup my mother made or the way I hear music on my headphones again after losing concentration. There's a lot that I take for granted but there's plenty I don't. There's a lot of times I go hiding. Life moves on after all. But it's funny how I can get struck by the past after years and years. There's a blank tombstone and I stand in front of it. Is it better to leave a temporary mark on the world or is it better to disappear forever? After all, nothing lasts so the effort's wasted. I don't know why I want to be forgotten. Maybe it's just a psychological thing. Towcester

Sometimes support can't come from another person's hand [Jan 28th] [ mood | accomplished ] I have a sketchbook I bought last year. I used it as a cheap year book and it's full of comments from people. I hoped it would be good luck because I decided I wanted to draw. It's amazing to see what crap appeared on the pages during the summer but as I flip through, you can see my improvement and the little things that made a huge impact. As I switched from pen (I used it to prevent myself from erasing too much) to pencil, I could see how far I've gone already from summer to now. It's a strange, funny feeling. I hope by next summer it improves as much as it did now. Lately I've decided to carry around a notebook that I can write notes in and draw at the same time. I usually draw during fourth period of the people in my class. It's really fun to try and capture them, even if they turn out a bit cartoonish. I plan to have drawn everyone in the class by the end of the year. My drawing gets me in trouble a lot. Especially from my mother, who thinks it's absolute trash and a waste of paper. >>; I fight a lot with her. My father also thinks it's a waste but he's not around as much to tell me so. It's disappointing at the least to think your parents don't consider you talented at anything. There's been times I've thrown tantrums and cried because I couldn't help being so angry and hurt. I have a GPA of 4.0 and I have dreams, but my mother thinks the only options for me is to become a cleaning lady or a piano teacher. It always smarts when I think about it. These sort of comments on how worthless I am as a daughter or my hopeless future should bring to depression. When my mother grabbed me by my throat and skull, making my head bow to the floor, I felt something surge through me. I pried away and looked up at her with determined, rebellious eyes. I wasn't going to give in. I'm stubborn and dammit, I'm not worthless. The harder they try to crush my dreams and do what they tell me to, the more determined I am to follow my own path. Towcester

It's makes me sad, but I don't know why [Jan 25th] [ mood | calm ] It seems all of my friends have drifted away from/are too busy. I don't mind, but it's just slightly odd. A bit like losing a clump of hair all of a sudden. You don't notice until it's there in your hand. Since I'm used to being a loner, it's all right. Just makes me wonder how many people would actually notice if I went missing or decided to become a hermit. ^^; But it is partially my fault. I can't help it sometimes. Ooh, I really want to buy those colorful tags you can stick on top of pages to keep note. It's really wonderful to have those things. My life's blurred -- at least in my memory. Somehow it's just all one, big smeary event. I have a thing for songs in foreign languages. There's something wonderful about it. Although, I admit, when they use English, I'm either impressed at their lack of accent or amused. I love this song. Towcester

Won't stave off a cold [Jan 24th] [ mood | sleepy ] My icon describes my day so accurately I don't feel it's necessary to explain. Let's just say I burn out after lunch. Mm, I still have homework to do, even after I tried to avoid having any tonight. x.x; I'd kill for a nap. ... Maybe in six hours. ... *ded* Towcester

Perfect [Jan 23rd] [ mood | awake ] This song has the perfect mood to bring me to visualize important parts of my story. It's my muse. *grin* Oh, and I'm seriously going to try and research more in-depth about the Punic Wars. In general, some history on physicians, especially this Teller bloke. School's starting... *sigh* I wish I could sit around in my bathrobe eating chocolates and researching all day. ^^; I'd also like to say I'm in love with the FMA song Bratja. It's beautiful and it's in Russian! Languages I'd like to learn: 1. German (<-- I need to improve speaking/listening-wise) 2. Japanese 3. Russian 4. Latin (dead language <3) 5. Chinese (hmm... but which kind?) 6. Czech (it's daunting, so maybe I should take it earlier?) *sigh* I might still be in school when I'm forty! Not that there's nothing wrong with that, but... I might need a better plan if I want to learn all of these languages. Travelling = money, me = no money. For now, I'll stick with German. I've been watching a lot of anime, so I've picked up some phrases. Not a lot, sadly. But listening to foreign songs gives me a strange sort of appeal (yes, even j-pop). The only kind I can't stand much of is mainstream Korean music, but that might be because I've only been introduced to the awful hiphop/rap/pop kind. x.x; That, and I find I'm harder to please when it comes to languages I understand. ^^ Towcester

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